Day 18: Letting Go

Letting Go: 1. To cease to employ; dismiss; 2. Allowing things to exist as if they were in the palm of your hand. 


Aum: (OM)  n. Hinduism & Buddhism - 
The supreme and most sacred syllable, consisting in Sanskrit of the three sounds (a), (u), and (m), representing various fundamental triads and believed to be the spoken essence of the universe. It is uttered as a mantra and in affirmations and blessings.

I created this mandala as I was working to let go of all of the "planning and preparing mind" I had been in all week, getting ready to present at a workshop on Friday. My mind was still spinning with the details of the workshop, and frankly, with the judgement about how well I did (or didn't do) in delivering my material.  

The making of this mandala was my chance to pro-actively let go of what was done and over with, to release my mind from the details of the workshop and to bless and affirm my effort.  The symbol in the center of the circle is defined above.  

Day 17: Sacred Circle

Sacred: 1. Made or declared holy; 2. Dedicated or devoted exclusively to a single use, purpose, or person;

3. Worthy of respect; venerable.

Circle: 1. A group of people sharing an interest, activity, or achievement.

I created this mandala as I was preparing to make a presentation at a Group Work institute for social workers at St. Kates.  

“Everyone in the circle is equal… No one’s voice is more important than anyone else’s… Everyone in the circle is a teacher… Everyone in the circle is a student… Everyone has his or her turn to speak… When one is speaking, all others listen… The circle is sacred and special.”

This is a statement (from the San Francisco's Writer's Corps), that we use at The Lab in our youth writing circles, called The Poetry Lab.  Read more about The Poetry Lab here: 

I have always loved the messages in this simple and straight forward statement. 

Day 16: Summer

Summer:  1. The usually warmest season of the year, occurring between spring and autumn and constituting June, July, and August in the Northern Hemisphere, or, as calculated astronomically, extending from the summer solstice to the autumnal equinox.  2. A period of fruition, fulfillment, happiness, or beauty.




Need I say more???     I think not.

Day 15: Imagine

Imagine: 1. To form a mental picture or image of something; 2. To think; conjecture; 3. To have a notion of or about something


I am forming a mental picture of summer....it's all I can think about.  Imagine!  Summer has already begun here in St. Paul.  Since March 27th, it has been generally 50 - 70 degrees already every day!  


I am imagining how my days will unfold when school lets out.  Breakfast on the patio.  The morning paper.  A mandala a day project, completed outside daily on my patio.  (My patio is my haven, my little slice of heaven).  The 3 big dogs will be lounging, from shady spots to sunny spots and back again.  I am imagining where the potted flower pots will be, and what will be in them (my version of gardening).  I'm imagining hearing the loud neighborhood cardinal, sing his song. 


I'm imagining my exercise freedom, working out with my trainer, Tim;  Yoga as daily as possible; walks with the dogs; lifting weights and riding my bike.  I'm imagining good and healthy food, that somehow, is easier in the summer to consume.


I'm imagining summer fun, up at the lake, for 10 days in June, for some days in July, and for a week in August.  I'm imagining the new red sit-up-on orange kayak that I'm going to buy for up north.  I'm imagining our trip to Bimini in the Bahamas, swimming with the dolphins!  Summer.  I'm imagining.  

Day 14: Spinning

Spinning:  1. revolving quickly and repeatedly around one's own axis; 2. making up a story; 3. a swift whirling motion 4. spin - the act of rotating rapidly.


Indeed, my head was spinning as I sat down to create this mandala.  Work, Work, Work.....To do....To do.... To do....lists rolling through my mind.  I am trying to get many puzzle pieces and logistics to fit together at The Lab for spring, and today, I felt as though I was moving through my day fighting centrifugal force.  A dozen things to do, calls to make, emails to send, calendars to plan etc...


The mandala and the mandala-making process brings me back, centers me.  Even for the 20 minutes I spent creating this, my mind slowed, and became less scattered with the tasks on my list.  Instead, my thoughts became stream-lined, manageable.   Certainly, I love the "spin" the mandala allows me to put on my life. 

Day 13: Coming into Her Own

Coming into her Own:  1. To get possession of what belongs to one. 2. To obtain rightful recognition or prosperity


As I worked on this mandala, I liked how I placed the butterfly at the bottom of the mandala, with a clear direction upward.  I played with the muted color around the edge of the circle, placing brighter colors within the butterfly.  I wanted to convey that this butterfly was going somewhere, directionally, and growing into something, with its own emerging color.  I, again, was thinking about work, my job at The LAB (www.thelabspps.com).


I live my life (and maybe many of us do), in increments.  Always, seemingly, planning to move through a given season, or stage, or period of time.  Especially as a school employee, I see the world in semesters, or holidays, or summer vacation.  The beauty of this work/rhythm is that I have the luxury to have many opportunities to end and begin again. Over and over again, I get a chance to grow into myself, in my work, into my leadership role, and into  my vision.  I get a chance to spread my wings in new ways, seeing how I can challenge my own boundaries about who I am, and who and how I want to be in my job, who I want to be as a leader.


This butterfly (aka, ME!) is in a spring season, ending a semester, and is growing into the most joyful season of summer.  I feel my color coming back, and the weight of worry and muted colors dissipating, making room for the bright, light, colorful time of freedom. SUMMER!

Day 12: Reach

Reach: 1. To stretch out or put forth; to extend;  2. To touch or grasp by stretching out/extending; 3. To arrive at; to attain  4 a. To succeed in getting in contact with b. To succeed, having an effect on.

I loved making this mandala.  I experimented with a low level of pointillism, eventually merging the green and purple dots from below, into one area above.  

I feel like I am reaching right now (likely always) to move through to the next thing on my work plate.  Now, I'm reaching for spring, for May 20th, when all of our student services will be done for the school year.  Simultaneous to this "end of the school year work reality", of course, is reaching for spring, for summer, for time off, for vacation. 

I like the contained feeling of this mandala, holding steady the last push, the last reach toward the end of the school year.  It feels do-able, possible, and within reach.  

Day 11: Uncertain

Uncertain:  1. lacking or indicating lack of confidence or assurance; "uncertain of her convictions"; "unsure of herself and her future"; 2. not established beyond doubt; still undecided or unknown; "an uncertain future"; "a manuscript of uncertain origin"; 3. changeable: subject to change; "a changeable climate"; 


As I worked on this mandala, I fell quickly in love with the frame I created, first with the violet circle, then, the red tips that circled around the outside edge.  It looked so satisfying to me, so solid, so crisp.  For the first time, I experimented with a bit of shading and gradation in the red.  I liked it.


But, immediately, I was paralyzed as to how to move forward.  "What next?  Could I leave it as is, so plain, and without color within the circle?"  I was definitely un-certain.  I didn't want to wreck what felt so good to me.  I didn't want to risk screwing it up.  At the same time, I felt compelled to add more color.  I believed that somehow, it was more important to complete the inside of the circle, either with shapes or color, than to leave it so pristine and white in the center. I proceeded, and immediately regretted it. I don't like this outcome,  but I can live with it.  


This whole thing is an experiment.  I have done very little reading about Mandalas so far, as I have not had a ton of free time to really start studying.  I know there aren't any "right" answers, per se.  But, I'm guessing there are some decent guidelines that I could benefit from knowing.  I'm anxious to learn about color, their meaning, and how pairing colors has a certain effect. I'm excited to explore the many symbols and symbolism within the world of mandalas. But, at this point, I remain uncertain about how to proceed in this world of mandalas.  But, still, I step forward and risk making a mistake (or at least an aesthetic mistake in my view).  Still, I proceed.  The risk of NOT proceeding is its own loss.  Onward. 

Day 10: Focus

Focus:  1. the point where rays of light, heat or waves of sound come together, or from which they spread; 2. an adjustment of the focal length to make a clear image;  3.  to bring a camera into focus 4.  any center of activity/attention.


My focus these days, of course, is this mandala project.  I like how having this project rules out a lot of extraneous worry, thoughts, tasks, anxiety.  While I'm focused on doing a mandala a day, it gives me a good reason to set other things aside for a bit -- other things like work, mostly, that can absorb too much of my non-work life & mind.  Or other things like, TV, or websurfing, or Facebook frenzy.  Time spent.  Exactly.  Just spent.  While my focus has shifted to this mandala  a day project, my attention has gone internal, and I have become less distracted by those external things that hold less real value.  The process of making each mandala allows my mind to let go of other things, and rest.  Thanks, Mandalas!

Day 9: Sleepy

Sleepy:               1. A natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body, in which the eyes usually close & consciousness is completely or partially lost, so that there is a decrease in bodily movement and responsiveness to external stimuli. During sleep the brain in humans and other mammals undergoes a characteristic cycle of brain-wave activity that includes intervals of dreaming.  2. A period of this form of rest.  3. A state of inactivity resembling or suggesting sleep; unconsciousness, dormancy, hibernation

That definition cracks me up.  Quite a serious effort to explain what it means to be sleepy, eh?   I don't have much more to say, other than I was very sleepy as I created this mandala.  Sleepy, but committed and determined to create a mandala, even when I just wanted to go to bed.   Mandala, Day 9 -   Mission accomplished. 

Day 8: Medicine Wheel

I love how simple this mandala feels. Peaceful.

In this blog, my process is as follows: 1.  I create my mandala.  2.  I wait for a word or two to emerge as I color.  3.  I do a basic and quick google definition search for the words that emerged & I usually go with the first definition or information I see.  4.  I journal here, offering my own connection, view in relation to the image, the process, the definition/words.

Today, I have included the full paragraph below of  what I found when I searched "Medicine Wheel". It suits my heart quite nicely.  This mandala is my reminder of the quote toward the end of this commentary:  "As you think, so it is".  So, this mandala is to ask myself,  "How do/will I think, today?"  "Do I have the courage to really look and see what is mirrored back to me today?"

Medicine Wheel: * from:  http://www.shannonthunderbird.com/medicine_wheel_teachings.htm   
The Medicine Wheel has been adopted by most First Nations people as a universal symbol of healing, interconnectedness and a holistic foundation of peaceful interaction and personal growth. The teachings mirror your life and it sometimes requires courage to look and really see what is being reflected back to you because some experiences are painful, while others joyful and reflective. However, it is ultimately facing it all that makes you a stronger and better person. In the tribes, my Ancestors were encouraged to think and walk in a positive way, for if they were angry, remorseful, and bitter, their earth walk would reflect that negativity. Traditional Hawaiian’s have a saying, "As you think so it is." In other words, if you believe that you are a worthy person, then you are. If you believe that you do not matter in the Universe, then you won’t. Greet every day with sacred honour songs and prayers because life is a fleeting thing.  

Day 7: Experiment gone Awry!

Experiment: 1. to operate by test or trial 2. an act or operation undertaken in order to discover some unknown principle or effect
Awry: 1. in a turned or twisted position or direction; 2. off the correct or expected course

So, it seemed to me, that at some point, the experiment of this particular mandala went awry.   I don't like this one -- at all.  It did not take the expected course. But, I remembered, after all, - this is an experiment.  The "What if" game.  As in, "What if I add new shapes, beyond the circle?  What if use only 2 colors?"  In this case, it might bring a sense of pleasure to someone else, even if not myself. This experiment brought me back to what I'm beginning to expect as my "mandala -a-day reminder".

Again, the Mandala a Day project reminds me of the notion of having a curious mind as my days unfold.  Instead of waking to plan my day, step by step (in a clear effort to feel that illusion of control) -- what if I ask myself, "hmm.  I wonder what today will bring?  I wonder if I'll meet anyone new?  I wonder what surprises are in store for me today?  I wonder whose day I can make easier or happier?" 

This mandala will be my reminder to make each day an experiment in carrying my sense of curiosity first, and give my worries a vacation.

Day 6: Unpredictable Intersections

Unpredictable: difficult or impossible to forsee
Intersections: 1. a point at which things intersect 2. the act, process or result of intersections

I had a Plan for this mandala -- much like I have a plan for my work, and/or my life.  And just like the unpredictable intersections that continually emerge in my work and in my life, so too, was it so with this mandala.

I had planned for something quite symmetrical, orderly, even.  Instead, as I plodded my color course, the unpredictable occurred. The order in which I had planned to use the colors couldn't work.  Instead, unexpected intersections of color and lines and circles created this outcome, which I like very much.

This mandala is providing a needed message to me - to stay open to the unpredictable, and to all of the good that can come from the unexpected.  It is reminding me to create many intersections in my life -- to step out of my routine, my regular order of things, and allow a new and surprising picture that emerges as a result, to come forth.

Day 5: Bold & Blend

Bold: 1. Fearless, daring, courageous  2. Clear and distinct to the eye  
Blend:  1. To mix smoothly together  2. To mix in order to obtain a particular quality

As this mandala emerged, work came to mind.  Then, the notions and words of Bold and Blend came.  Even as I find my way in six years at The Lab, from a place of vision, to places on the journey of creation, evolution, re-creation, allowing the program to grow into itself, even beyond my wildest dreams, there are days and stretches of time where I hesitate, and fear takes over.

I love this mandalas reminder to me to remain clear, to let the program's fundamental vision and mission to remain distinct to the eye.  This boldly colored mandala is my encouragement to continue on this path with courage and my daring spirit - daring to hold my vision out front and trust myself enough to lead.
As I wind up this year at The Lab at Homecroft, I will carry this mandala in my mind's eye and walk boldly forward.

Day 4: Re-Commit

Re-commit: 1. to commit again 2. to entrust, to hand over, as for safe keeping 3. to give entirely to a specific cause.

I am re-committing to my health and fitness.  I use to see this notion as such a bad thing - that I must once again, re-commit, specifically, because I had fallen off the wagon on any given thing (ie. exercise, eating right, writing regularly etc).  


Somehow, at yoga last night (where I struggled and suffered mightily to get through the class), it came to me - What if I could see the need and ability to start over and to re-commit to my exercise, fitness & food as an opportunity for which to be grateful, as in...


"Aren't I lucky that indeed, I CAN re-commit & begin again.  Isn't it great that I'm not relegated to my failures, but rather, I'm given the gift (as often as necessary) to start over?"

What a Relief.  Here I go again!  Onward.  Re-direct, restore, re-energize, decide, choose, act, renew, balance, moderation, begin again, find the middle, center.  Re-Commit.

Day 3: Containment

Containment: 1. The act, process or means of containing. 2.  The policy, process or result of preventing the expansion of a hostile power or ideology.

This whole Mandala a Day project emerged out of a need for containment.  The need to contain the power I have to turn a hostile firing squad on my own heart.  My mind can too easily and frequently go in a negative direction, turning on myself.  The word "containment"  emerged as I created this mandala.  I don't challenge or disregard the first words that come to me as I color these circles.  This mandala, with it's paired word "containment", is my psyche imploring me to reign in and contain negativity and in fact, to expand that which is positive, that which is health, that which gives life, to myself and others.

I will use this mandala to contain and prevent the expansion of that which is hostile, of that which holds me back, of that which paralyzes me and my creative abilities to thrive.  This mandala will be a reminder of my ability to do more than survive.

Day 2: Imperfection

Definition:
Imperfection: The state of being imperfect.  Defective.

Ouch. Harsh.

As I worked on this mandala, it quickly evolved with imperfect circles.  The cardboard toilet paper roll I was using to draw the small circles bent unexpectedly and moved as I pressed the colored pencil against the side of it.  Circles looked a bit more oblong, than circular.  "Oh well", I thought.  "Imperfect".

"Oh well?"  What an unusual answer for me. More likely and often, I'm hard on myself, harsh with my self-talk.  Recently, as I lamented some work struggles to the ever present therapist, she exclaimed at one point in the session, "And so what if you are not an A+++++ at everything you do?  So What?

In yoga, and with this mandala project, I easily allow for the beauty and surprise that emerges from the unexpected, from the mistake, from the imperfect moment.  Can I learn to allow for this same freedom and kind self-talk as this spring unfolds in my work life, with all the undoubted unexpected situations and imperfections that will occur?

I accept this mandala's message and encouragement to bring my welcoming and kind self-talk present in this daily activity, into my daily life at work.  Onward!

Day 1: Kaleidoscope

As this first mandala emerged on the blank page, the word Kaleidoscope came to mind.   Even while I fought the typical urges of self-criticism and judgement and the negative self-talk of "I can't", or "I'm not good at this",  "I'm not artistic", I still held a sense of playfulness.  I thought of the fun I had with kaleidoscopes as a child.  Such an intriguing view through the crystals in the toy.  It was always so interesting to see what happened to the view with just a slight twist of the tube.  As an adult, it is difficult for me to remember often enough that I can make a slight adjustment to my own view, and I will have a significant adjustment in my mood.

Kaleidoscope:... a tube of mirrors containing loose coloured beads, pebbles, or other small coloured objects. the viewer looks in one end and light enters the other end, reflecting off the mirrors. arbitrary patterns show up as symmetric patterns due to the reflections of the mirrors".


This is life, it seems to me, built of arbitrary patterns that we work constantly to put into symmetric and orderly patterns.  This is also how I experience mandala-making.  Playing with colors, and shapes and symmetry and patterns, to create something that holds new meaning and depth.

I love the idea of this new project for my steps into spring and summer.  A Mandala A Day can keep the blues away!  As I juggle the challenges of work, and as I try to keep my anxiety at bay, I feel an immediate sense of calm at the mere idea of this project.  As I sat down to do my first mandala, I felt calm and peaceful inside and quickly!  All other thoughts and worries of life dissipated, and I melted into the moment.  The notion of the Kaleidoscope came quickly, too.  I have been trying to find a symmetry with all of the various pieces and responsibilities of my life -- often, they are like the loose, bold-colored pieces, tumbling around randomly in my head, and in my heart, without order.  I have been searching for things that fill my heart, not with chaos, but with some symmetry.  The simple choice and act of mkaing a mandala today led to this awareness, this way of finding peace, this way of making sense and order out of worry, anxiety, and responsibilities that weigh on me. The mandala-making project, I found out in short order, can be my new poetry.  My new way of making sense of my life, of making meaning, of bringing depth to the dailiness of the loose pieces.  The mandala is my way to wholeness, symmetry, order, peace, meaning - it's a relief, again, to find such a tool in this creative process we call life.

Upcoming Workshop: Road to Revolutions

I am lucky to be joining forces with my friend, Laura LaBlanc at FullThought to offer a unique 4-session workshop on Women, Creativity and Leadership.

Will you will join us?

Click HERE for our flyer

A Mandala A Day Project

While on my spring break/vacation, I had an idea.  I bought some colored pencils and the textured water color paper I that like, and began what I'm calling "A Mandala A Day" project.  Not for the outcome, or for an art gallery or showing any amount of artistic talent -- but for the sense of calm and peace the process and experience brings me.  I ordered a few books about Mandalas and look forward to learning more about the world and healing nature of Mandala-making.  I have needed something to attend to in my heart.  I haven needed something to calm my mind.  This is it.  At one time in my life, in fact for a long period from age 13 - 38, it was my journal that held my heart.  Then, for another long stretch, from age 31 - 41,  it was poetry that steadily held my hand.  Now, I believe, the mandala will be the bearer and witness to my healing process. This beautiful mandala in the photo here is not my doing - but I plan to use this blog as a way to document my Mandala A Day Project, and I will post photos of mandalas, as a brief journal entry about what the process evoked in me. I'm excited to have a container, both in this blog, as well as in my Mandala project -- a way to find and hold meaning as I walk through spring....

*note:
The beautiful mandala image on this post is from the following webiste: www.moonstonemandala.com
I'm excited to spend time reading her blog, and all she knows and loves and creates in the world of mandalas.