Day 81: Sun-Day

Sun:  1. A star that is the basis of the solar system and that sustains life on Earth, being the source of heat and light. It has a mean distance from Earth of about 150 million kilometers (93 million miles) a diameter of approximately 1,390,000 kilometers (864,000 miles) and a mass about 330,000 times that of Earth. 2. A star that is the center of a planetary system. 3. The radiant energy, especially heat and visible light, emitted by the sun.

Day:  1. The period of light between dawn and nightfall; the interval from sunrise to sunset. 2. a. The 24-hour period during which the earth completes one rotation on its axis. b. The period during which a celestial body makes a similar rotation. 3. One of the numbered 24-hour periods into which a week, month, or year is divided. 4. The portion of a 24-hour period that is devoted to work, school, or business; 5. A 24-hour period or a portion of it that is reserved for a certain activity; 6. A specific, characteristic period in one's lifetime.


I chose this symbol yesterday, as it was a beautiful sunny day up here at Middle Cullen Lake.  I rode 16 miles on the Paul Bunyan bike trail with my friend Rick.  It was day three of being back on track with daily exercise.  It felt like a new day, another and new chance to choose health.  I like this image of this mandala, the Chinese symbol for sun/day.  It looks to me like a ladder, steps toward the sun.  I'm forever taking steps toward health, and it isn't always easy.  It is easiest when I remember to simply take it one day at a time, one step at a time.  Onward.

Day 80: Earth

Earth:  1. a. The land surface of the world. b. The softer, friable part of land; soil, especially productive soil. 2. The third planet from the sun; 3. The the temporal world, the realm of mortal existence; 4. a. Worldly affairs and pursuits. b. Everyday life; reality; 5. The substance of the human body; clay. 6. The ground of an electrical circuit.

7.  Chemistry Any of several metallic oxides, such as alumina or zirconia, that are difficult to reduce and were formerly regarded as elements. 8.  Idiom - "on earth"

Among all the possibilities.

In my book Chinese Characters: The Art and Meaning of Hanzi, this symol  is described as follows:  "Another of the five elements, Earth is associated with yellow, and its planet is Saturn.  In traditional chinese medicine, Earth is concerned with the spleen, pancreas and stomach, the organs of digestion.  Its emotion is anxiety, and its stage of life is adulthood.  Unlike the other four elements, Earth is not associated with a particular season, but with a period of change between seasons every three months".  

Today, after a few days away, I return to my mandala--making process.  I chose to trace a symbol from my book, one that called to me as I flipped through the book.  I landed on the symbol of Earth.  I have landed up north for a 10 day vacation.  Today, it is raining, soaking the earth, making it ready and supporting its continued growth.  Today, I am finding my footing again, my earth, and the especially productive soil.  Today is my first steps back to the notion of goal setting, getting clear my priorities, taking proactive steps on my earth to take responsibility for myself, my adulthood.  I find myself, indeed, between seasons.  This time away up north is that space marking change for me.  I want to reconsider my priorities.  I want to re-commit to my physical health.  I want to remember that I am solidly planted on this earth for many reasons.  My job is to figure out why. I like the last line of the definitions.  "On Earth - Among all the possibilities".  Onward.

Day 79: Why there was No Mandala Yesterday!

This is the culprit for why there was no mandala yesterday!  Had to make a trip to the new Apple store in Uptown.  Had to buy a new toy.  Apple TV.  Now I can make a slide show of all my mandalas! (not to mention, rent movies from itune) & watch them on our TV!) Today, back to art/mandala making.  More to come.....

Day 78: Undo Patterns

Undo:   1.  the act of untying 2. reversal of the doing of something done; 3.  canceling, annulling 4. the act of bringing to disgrace or destruction 5. the cause of ruin, disgrace, or destruction

Patterns: 1. a. A model or original used as an archetype. b. A person or thing considered worthy of imitation. 2. A plan, diagram, or model to be followed in making things: 3. A representative sample; a specimen. 4. a. An artistic or decorative design:  b. A design of natural or accidental origin;  5. A consistent, characteristic form, style, or method, as: a. A composite of traits or features characteristic of an individual or a group: b. Form and style in an artistic work or body of artistic works. 6. a. The configuration of gunshots upon a target that is used as an indication of skill in shooting. b. The distribution and spread, around a targeted region, of spent shrapnel, bomb fragments, or shot from a shotgun. 7. Enough material to make a complete garment. 8. The flight path of an aircraft about to land: 9. To make, mold, or design by following a pattern.


Just as I have spent a lifetime opening and protecting and opening and protecting my heart, I have spent a lifetime trying to undo patterns that no longer serve me.  Easier said than done, of course.  The patterns somehow are the easiest path chosen, especially in times of stress, just when indeed, we need a new pattern to see our way through. I will look at this mandala as a reminder to undo the old patterns that no longer serve me.  

Day 77: First 20 Days

First 20 Days: 

I thought it would be fun to try to capture as many of the words of my blog since I began in late March.
20 words fit into this particular mandala.  This is just a fun one-stop-shop view of thoughts and feelings that have been a part of my mandala a day project.

More summaries to come!

Day 76: Heart

Heart:  1. The chest area that is the approximate location of the heart in the body; 2. a. The vital center and source of one's being, emotions, and sensibilities; b. The repository of one's deepest and sincerest feelings and beliefs; c. The seat of the intellect or imagination; 3. a. Emotional constitution, basic disposition, or character; b. One's prevailing mood or current inclination;  4. a. Capacity for sympathy or generosity; compassion;  b. Love; affection; 5. a. Courage; resolution; fortitude;  b.The firmness of will or the callousness required to carry out an unpleasant task;  6. A person esteemed or admired as lovable, loyal, or courageous;  7. a. The central or innermost physical part of a place or region; b. The core of a plant, fruit, or vegetable;  8. The most important or essential part. 

I treated myself to a new book the other day.  It is called: "Chinese Characters: The Art and Meaning of Hanzi".  I really love the beauty of these symbols, and I appreciate the nature of how these "images" are actually words.  I know our letters are also images that combine to equal words, but this, somehow, these Chinese symbols are particularly compelling to me.  I like how incorporating this symbol into my mandala project seems a perfect match.  

I love all of the definitions above, particularly, "The most important or essential part", and "The vital center and source of one's being, emotions, and sensibilities".

While fundamentally, I believe that my full and open heart and how I accept myself and such a  full range of emotions is vital to my very health and joy, I also struggle with the nature of my heart.  Today, I am so aware of how my life has been a continual process of uncovering and then, protecting, and then uncovering my heart, again and again.  One time, I worked with an energy healer, and she told me after our first appointment that my heart energy walks in front of my body about 15 feet.  She surmised that I often feel vulnerable in the world, being so open, so transparent.  She wasn't telling me anything new. The old adage, "she wears her heart on her sleeve" is true for me.  And yet, I struggle, wanting at times, to be more closed, self-protective.  Especially, of course, when I have opened my heart, only to have it hurt, even if unintentionally, by others.  

I don't believe most people are out to hurt anyone's heart.  But I also don't believe that most people are willing to really show their full emotions, and often, can't show up fully when others show their full emotions.  This is what is most disappointing to me.  I have spent much of my life finding those people who can really walk with me in all of their authenticity, and meet my own, without dismissing me or my emotions.  I guess, indeed, it takes heart to live fully from my heart.  Definition #5a. is a good reminder - Courage; resolution; fortitude - Heart.  I march on. 

Day 75: Summer

Summer: 1. The usually warmest season of the year, occurring between spring and autumn and constituting June, July, and August in the Northern Hemisphere, or, as calculated astronomically, extending from the summer solstice to the autumnal equinox. 2. A period of fruition, fulfillment, happiness, or beauty.


Definitely!  A period of happiness, fulfillment and beauty!  For a school employee who gets to enjoy such a luxurious period of time away from work, there is nothing better than a Minnesota summer - (except, maybe, a warm winter vacation to Florida in December).  This morning, I step completely grateful into summer.   

Day 74: Converge

Converge:  1.To tend toward or approach an intersecting point; 2. To come together from different directions; meet;  3. To tend toward or achieve a common conclusion; 4. To approach a limit; 5. Resulting in an end point


Today, it all converges.  The school year, and all that it brought, comes to end.  It's a beautiful day.  Onward.

Day 73: Air-Bubbles

Air: 1. A colorless, odorless, tasteless, gaseous mixture, mainly nitrogen (approximately 78 percent) and oxygen (approximately 21 percent) with lesser amounts of argon, carbon dioxide, hydrogen, neon, helium & other gases.2. The sky; the firmament. 3. A giant void; nothingness: 4. An atmospheric movement; a breeze or wind. 5. A peculiar or characteristic impression; an aura. 6. Breath.



Bubbles: 1. A thin, usually spherical or hemispherical film of liquid filled with air;  2. A pocket formed in a solid by air or gas that is trapped;  3. Something insubstantial, groundless, or ephemeral; 4. A fantastic or impracticable idea or belief; an illusion;  5. A speculative scheme that comes to nothing; 6. A protective, often isolating envelope or cover; 7. To rise to or as if to the surface; emerge; 8. To display irrepressible activity or emotion.


I love this mandala, with the various size "air bubbles" floating in the larger circle, each following a pattern toward something larger or smaller, depending on how your eyes follow the trail.  I like the color choices of soft browns and blues.  I love, as usual, the various definitions of both Air and Bubbles.  I enjoy basically playing a word association game through the image of the mandala and the words/definitions that ensue.  This mandala is the representation of the the air bubbles, the breath, and  the the protective covering I have been floating in lately.  I'm trying to allow myself to float in all the areas of life that are so often quite an illusion of our own making.  I am trying to allow and accept whatever atmospheric movement is going push me along. I am trying to let go, and let my breath and my authentic-self rise to the surface, like an air bubble, finding its way to where ever it should end up.

Day 72: Complete

Complete:  1. Having all necessary parts, components, or steps; entire; 2. Having come to an end; concluded. 3. Absolute; total; 4. To bring to an end:  5. To make whole, with all necessary elements or parts: 


This post is a few days pre-mature, as when I was making this mandala, actually, I was thinking about this coming Monday -- my official last day of the school year. "Absolute. Complete. To bring to an end. To make whole. Thorough".  Monday, these definitions will ring true.  There are some endings that are particularly poignant. This year is one of those years.  I am more than ready for this year to end.  I am more than excited.  So much will feel complete.  There is so much to look forward to our next year.  For this future, too, I am ready.  It is time to make whole, again.  A summer rest, and Onward. 

Day 71: Full Circle

Full Circle: : 1.  Through a series of developments that lead back to the original source, position, or situation or to a complete reversal of the original position —usually used in the phrase come full circle.


I have come full circle.  I see with fresh eyes what was, and better yet, I see with fresh eyes what will be. 

Day 70: Seeds

Seeds: 1. A source or beginning.


I love this simple short phrase/definition.  My mandala-making process began as a simple idea, a seed, a source, a beginning.  It has provided immense comfort in these last 70 days.  Thank goodness for seeds of ideas that grow.  


As I think about the end of the school year, I think of all the seeds I have planted along the way.  Hopefully, many of all the best seeds will grow and flourish for the youth who have come to The Lab.  Today, I visited with a former student who has grown tremendously into his young adulthood.  Our visit confirmed that the seeds we planted and the roots that deepened at The Lab have contributed to his growth.  This feels so satisfying.  Onward.  

Day 69: Opening

Opening: 1. The act or an instance of becoming open or being made to open;  2. An open space serving as a passage or gap;  3. A breach or aperture;  4. A clearing in the woods;  5. The first part or stage, as of a book; 6. The first performance; 7. A formal commencement of operation;  8. Games A specific pattern or series of beginning moves in certain games, especially chess; 9. An opportunity affording a chance of success.

Today, I feel my heart opening again, after a period of feeling hurt, closed and self-protective.  I'm opening to (and feeling) summer approach (3 days til vacation).  I'm feeling the open space coming toward me, with a breath of fresh air, open space, and possibility.  I love summer vacations in Minnesota -- a gap between the end of the school year, and the fresh start of Fall.  It is a chance to refresh, regroup, reconsider, re-evaluate and rest.  I am open and ready for all of these things. 

I had an amazing day at work due to 2 separate and distinct conversations with others who were wanting to know more about my work at The Lab.  Both conversations opened my mind to many broader and potentially bigger possibilities in this work in which I believe so strongly. Doors are opening in my work again.  Today, I believe, was an opening to the next ideas of The Lab.  Growth.  Potential.  Opportunities. Collaboration.  Bridges.  I think there is more coming.  I am open. 

Day 68: Evolution

Evolution: 1. A gradual process in which something changes into a different and usually more complex or better form;  2. a. The process of developing; b. Gradual development; 3. (in Biology) Change in the genetic composition of a population during successive generations, as a result of natural selection acting on the genetic variation among individuals, and resulting in the development of new species.


This mandala project will be a series piece, evolving each day with one more completed mandala, to eventually complete the series (and the symbolic ending of the school year for me).  I love the definitions listed above for Evolution.  Perfect. Today was day one of five of the final count down from this school year to whatever is next.  Summer, first, of course, and then, an evolution again of The Lab for sure next year.  Gradual changes, moving forward into an improved form, still yet. Exciting. Hopeful. Four more days. 

Day 67: Time - Tick Tock

Time: 1. an instance or single occasion for some event; 2. a period of time considered as a resource under your control and sufficient to accomplish something; 3. an indefinite period (usually marked by specific attributes or activities); 4. a suitable moment; "it is time to go"; 5. the continuum of experience in which events pass from the future through the present to the past;  6. a person's experience on a particular occasion; 7. assign a time for an activity or event.   Tick Tock:   1. The ticking sound made by a clock.


No definitions are really needed here.  Just counting single-digit days until summer vacation!  Tick-Tock Says the clock!  Soon it will be time to go....

Day 66: Escape

Escaping: 1.To break loose from confinement; get free;2. To issue from confinement or an enclosure; leak or seep out;  3. To avoid a serious or unwanted outcome; 4. To interrupt a command, exit a program, or change levels within a program by using a key, combination of keys, or key sequence; 5. To succeed in avoiding;  6. To elude the memory or comprehension of.

"The trouble is....there is no real escaping it...the trouble..."

I like this mandala, and the playing with words, a sentence that doesn't really ever end....It speaks to the notion of how hard it is, sometimes, to have chosen sobriety, and have given up the escape valve of drinking.  I know it was an artificial and quite temporary escape, but in moments of deep sadness, or high anxiety and worry, I long for the escape that a drink could bring.  That too, however, was a cycle that didn't ever really end, either. Drink each day, feel crummy each morning, hate myself for drinking.  Repeat.

I know the choice of sobriety is the only way through, the only real escape.  We are all stuck with managing this life, our emotions, our circumstances.  No one escapes, really.  Somehow, remembering this, is comforting.

Day 65: Bright

Bright: 1. a. Emitting or reflecting light readily or in large amounts; shining. b. Comparatively high on the scale of brightness. c. Full of light or illumination; 2. Characterizing a dyestuff that produces a highly saturated color; brilliant.

3. Glorious; splendid;  4. Full of promise and hope; auspicious;  5. Happy; cheerful;  6. Animatedly clever; intelligent; 7. High and clear. 

So today, it has been a rainy, gloomy day here in St. Paul, but my mood lifted as I created this mandala -- I chose brlght colors.  It is so nice to be back to my mandala-making process and it does feel full of promise, hope.  

I enjoyed a fantastic show at Steppingstone Theater today, "Legacy: A Tribute to Michael Jackson" -- AMAZING!  and Bright, and uplifting.  I got to see a former student perform.  Tonight, I'll attend Women's Drumheart 20th anniversary drum show.  I'm hoping to see an old friend.  In both cases, the intersection of my life with these 2 people is glorious and splendid.  A bright feeling, for sure.  

Day 64: Sand Mandala

Sand Mandala: 1. The Sand Mandala (tib: kilkhor) is a Tibetan Buddhist tradition involving the creation and destruction of mandalas made from colored sand.


Enjoy this clip from CNN, via Speaking of Faith.


http://blog.speakingoffaith.org/post/663008276/building-a-mandala-of-the-buddha-of-compassion

Day 63: Open Space

Open space:  A space of infinite volume and without any boundary (in the cosmological context).


Ok.  Tonight, I am too tired (I have not stopped all day) to make a mandala.  I swear, I am soon to return to my sweet daily practice of mandala-creating!  


Instead, tonight, I give you this view, this open circular space from our Hawaii trip a few years ago.  The ocean has been on my mind so much in this last month.  I'm so sad and worried about the oil spill and the vast and deep implications on her.  It's beyond my mind what will unfold. 


In this tragedy, and in very general terms in this life, I want to know what solutions are possible?  I want to remember that the possibilities are infinite, and without artificial boundaries.  I want to accept the open space of possibilities for each day to unfold with the grace that is both available, and that is needed.  Open Space. 

Day 62: Djembe

Djembe:  A djembe is a goblet-shaped hand drum that originated among the Manding people of West Africa. Djembes, because of their shape, are capable of producing a range of tones and sounds. Generally, djembes are made of wood, with an animal skin stretched over the top. Djembes are extremely popular in the drum-circle culture of North America and Europe.

The "mandala" today is something I will bring into my summer fun, along side my mandala-making project.  I just bought this very Djembe drum tonight at Ellis Drum Shop.  I connected with a former student (the sales person) from long, long ago and accepted his gracious encouragement, clear knowledge of the drum, and his kindness.  This drum is a circular experience, in so many ways!  This drum brought me back to a very wonderful time in life, and a great connection with a student and his family.  This drum will bring me into a new community at the Women's Drum Center, as I begin to take a few classes.  The centering nature of drumming will remind me of my own center and grounded-ness, despite the storms, just as the mandala-making process has calmed my spirit.  Bass. Tone. Slap.  Bass. Tone. Slap.  I am finding the rhythms that beat within, and working to not be thrown off beat along the way.