Day 76: Heart

Heart:  1. The chest area that is the approximate location of the heart in the body; 2. a. The vital center and source of one's being, emotions, and sensibilities; b. The repository of one's deepest and sincerest feelings and beliefs; c. The seat of the intellect or imagination; 3. a. Emotional constitution, basic disposition, or character; b. One's prevailing mood or current inclination;  4. a. Capacity for sympathy or generosity; compassion;  b. Love; affection; 5. a. Courage; resolution; fortitude;  b.The firmness of will or the callousness required to carry out an unpleasant task;  6. A person esteemed or admired as lovable, loyal, or courageous;  7. a. The central or innermost physical part of a place or region; b. The core of a plant, fruit, or vegetable;  8. The most important or essential part. 

I treated myself to a new book the other day.  It is called: "Chinese Characters: The Art and Meaning of Hanzi".  I really love the beauty of these symbols, and I appreciate the nature of how these "images" are actually words.  I know our letters are also images that combine to equal words, but this, somehow, these Chinese symbols are particularly compelling to me.  I like how incorporating this symbol into my mandala project seems a perfect match.  

I love all of the definitions above, particularly, "The most important or essential part", and "The vital center and source of one's being, emotions, and sensibilities".

While fundamentally, I believe that my full and open heart and how I accept myself and such a  full range of emotions is vital to my very health and joy, I also struggle with the nature of my heart.  Today, I am so aware of how my life has been a continual process of uncovering and then, protecting, and then uncovering my heart, again and again.  One time, I worked with an energy healer, and she told me after our first appointment that my heart energy walks in front of my body about 15 feet.  She surmised that I often feel vulnerable in the world, being so open, so transparent.  She wasn't telling me anything new. The old adage, "she wears her heart on her sleeve" is true for me.  And yet, I struggle, wanting at times, to be more closed, self-protective.  Especially, of course, when I have opened my heart, only to have it hurt, even if unintentionally, by others.  

I don't believe most people are out to hurt anyone's heart.  But I also don't believe that most people are willing to really show their full emotions, and often, can't show up fully when others show their full emotions.  This is what is most disappointing to me.  I have spent much of my life finding those people who can really walk with me in all of their authenticity, and meet my own, without dismissing me or my emotions.  I guess, indeed, it takes heart to live fully from my heart.  Definition #5a. is a good reminder - Courage; resolution; fortitude - Heart.  I march on.