On Returning and Moving Forward

Since my last post on this blog more than four years ago much has transpired in my life and work. Today is Thursday, December 14, 2017. Winter has informally arrived in St. Paul and Christmas and the New Year are fast approaching. I am returning to this blog just as many opportunities are presenting themselves to me. Many doors are opening and so many possibilities are surfacing for my 2018.  I have chosen to return to my blog as a way to walk with myself, take time to pause, and to clarify my intentions for this New Year.  Intentions. Welcome (almost) 2018. Onward.

A new stretch of freedom starts now - summer vacation - and I am so grateful that... 

1. I get another re-boot for life, wide open space for reading, visiting, walking....

2. I offered a sweet writing circle for 10 women in Stockholm, WI yesterday - very nice.

3. Kathleen has settled into the house and we are enjoying our new set up!

4. I just finished my 7th book of the summer, and I loved it.  "The Interestings!"and I will start my next summer read, "The Yogahlossee Riding Camp for Girls" tonight.

5. I got to see my best (Baltimore!) friend, Rick 2 times in the last month -- the best.

Bonus smile....

The poem I wrote while in yesterday's writing circle prompted by the simple idea...

"Write about something beautiful that happened to you this week"

Here's what happened in my notebook.....

I will be 47 next week

and weirdly, (or even sadly, I suppose)

I just learned to identify some very basic but beautiful things -

the birdsongs of the robin, black-capped chickadee and the cardinal.  

Who knew my backyard was hiding 

such secrets

and for so long?

It's so clear now, so simple really, 

but since learning,

their calls stop me in my tracks and

the proud wide smile 

of a child's knowing something new 

has settled on my face.

I wonder what's in store for me next year?

Being Happy With What Is & With What I Have

Moving slowly this morning, and getting ready for the day.

Feeling grateful...


















1. That I will see my best friend Rick in a few minutes, as he stops at my house to get a key, and then, makes his way up north to our lake house heaven.

2.  That I have such a clarity in my "to do" list!  (so much I need/want to do before returning to work August 19th) -- now, just to get myself to DO IT!

3.  That I get to go to my favorite movie movie theater today (the Uptown!) with Kathleen to see 20 Feet from Stardom...best seats EVER and I think the movie will be good too!

4.  That it is the weekend later today, and I will get to have a leisurely time with my girl, who has been working like a dog!

5.  That my back seems to be continually improving....and for noticing that I am staying focussed (trying) on what doesn't hurt, instead of what does!  (the image at the beginning of the blog is what I am trying to remember today, and the image at the end of this blog is what I wish for)

It's all good!

Bonus smile...

I just love the idea of being physically care-free to run and jump into the lake!

Gratitude Times Two

There is So Much to be grateful for....

I missed yesterday's post for a great reason!
So here's what's up!

I am grateful for...

1.  The sale and moving process all going so well, without a hitch. It was a busy day getting Kathleen's home sale closed and settling into Jefferson Avenue!

2.  A GORGEOUS stretch of Minnesota summer weather.   YES!

3.  The chance to sleep in later that a usual work-day morning (when my back is sore and my sleep routine continues to be out of whack and I don't sleep well in the night!) - Tony Robbins would ask, "what's great about this problem?" - such a good question, a way to stop thinking about the problem, and focus on the positive outcomes and solutions.

4.  A developing opportunity to volunteer soon....more to come on this!

5.  Two upcoming opportunities to publish some writing about my work with writing circles.  (The drafts are on my desk, but hopefully they will be complete and sent on their way by August 1st!)

Bonus smile...

The main thing I am grateful for today?....

#1.  Kathleen (& Mr. B!) moved in and our life together in the 55105 zip code begins!

I Could Dance All Day!

I am grateful today......why?

1.  Well, for starters, today is the day.....Move In Day is here.....I am starting a new life with my girl.  Time to share my house again.  Yes!  The house of Joy!

2.  I am grateful that I saw this post today on facebook...Thanks, Pam!
This video made me laugh and cry - you have to watch it! --



3.  After a few weeks of summer vacation solitude and re-grouping, I have had a chance to reconnect with several friends this week...leisurely conversations on the patio, phone, porch.....more to come this week!  Feel lucky to be connected to such good people.

4.  My fruit bowl was FANTASTIC today -- (simple pleasures, every day!)

5.  Although I haven't been to Gay Pride since 1999, I am grateful to being living a life outloud, proud, everyday....myself.


In honor of gay pride weekend.....a Bonus smile...

Summer Daze

This looks like my kind of summer daze!
(Thanks, Grit, for posting this pic on facebook!)

Today, I am grateful for...

1. life being on my slow-paced and quiet schedule, not work's!
2. being able to sleep in (still trying to get a good sleep routine in order!)
3. spending the day today with my friend Tess, passing the LAB torch onto her!
4. only one more night, and I will be sharing my house with Kathleen!
5. the wind is blowing through the house and the air conditioners are off!

Enjoy this bonus smile....what does summer mean to you?

Giving Thanks, again.

First things first....

Today I will take my first trip to one of my favorite of the city lakes of this summer...

1.  So I am grateful for this perfect lake day. Very little wind. No clouds. Low humidity. A perfect day to float free on Lake Nokomis.

2.  Grateful for my funny little bathtub kayak that fits easily into my Honda CRV.

3.  Grateful having very few "chores" to do right now -- just a sea of open time.

4.  DOMA was struck down.  MN gay Marriage. Prop 8 put in its place.  Wow.

5.  My property tax paperwork came in the mail yesterday...reminding me of impending $$ in the fall!  (i forgot all about it!)

Off to the lake now.....but wait....watch this if you want to smile.

Bonus smile....

GOOD NEWS BROADCAST!

Gratitude Changes Me

Gratitude changes everything, indeed....

my mind, my heart, my view, my days....me.

Grateful today for...

1.  My low back isn't as sore today as it was yesterday!

2.  Georgia joining me for breakfast today : )

3.  The leisure time to begin reading my 6th novel of the summer!

4.  For my house, and having it ready to share it with Kathleen

5.  The cardinal that kept me company most of all day yesterday, singing non-stop in the trees above my patio.

Bonus....

basically, I am grateful for summers off, away from work.

A Shift Toward Gratitude

Day 2, working on shifting my focus toward all-things-grateful. 

Gratitude Today?  

I am so grateful for....

1. the good night's sleep I had last night, and for finally getting into a better sleep pattern.

2.  my friends who are joining me this week for a visit and a meal/ice tea on my sweet summer patio.

3.   my sweet patio & sweet porch!  I feel lucky and I love that I have such a nice patio and beautiful environments to enjoy.

4.  Brent, my personal trainer/physical therapist who is helping me regain my strength and get past physical pain - and that I have clarity and options for exercises that help!

5.  The sunshine today, after many clouds and storms and great weather and a chance for a river walk today!

And a bonus smile for my day...

Gratitude Blog - it begins today

Today's Gratitude Blog: 

1. the sea of free time ahead of me - (I return to work exactly 8 weeks from today) - and that I have already had a marvelous 2+ weeks away from work.  So lucky.

2.  for an amazing girlfriend who is soon to move into my house!

3.  for improvement (albeit slow) with my physical body/pain.....progress and knowledge for how to keep getting better!

4.  a chance to read for pleasure -- 5 books down for this summer!  Shooting for 31!

5.  that I was lucky and didn't have any storm damage or power outage -- again, lucky!

and a bonus thing to be grateful for.....
the sweetest video post on facebook which makes me completely happy in this moment!

Connection & Support

Connection:  1. To hold in position so as to keep from falling, sinking, or slipping; 2. the act or state of connecting; united;  3. something that connects, joins, or relates; link or bond;  4. a relationship or association;  5. logical sequence in thought or expression; coherence


Support: 1. to carry the weight of; 2. to bear or withstand (pressure, weight, etc.);  3. to provide the necessities of life for a person; 4.  to establish a theory by providing new facts; to substantiate

5.  to give aid or courage to; 6. to give approval to; 8. to give strength to.

I love this image -  a flower, clearly linked and connected to something(s), ready to remind her of her place in the world.  That we exist inside something very beautiful, even when we forget. This photo is a metaphor, a reminder for me that someone is always ready to stand near, ready to help, ready to ensure that we don't sink, or slip or fall.  Today, I am grateful for this reminder and reality. I'm listening to a song by Alexi Murdoch right now - another beautiful message of connection and support - enjoy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfJAh6hrCzw&feature=related

Center

Center: 1. A point or place that is equally distant from the sides or outer boundaries of something; the middle:  2. A point equidistant from all points on the circumference of a circle or on the surface of a sphere; 3. A point around which something rotates or revolves:  4. A part of an object that is surrounded by the rest; a core: 5. a. A place where a particular activity or service is concentrated:  b. A point of origin, as of influence, ideas, or actions.  6.  To place in or at the center; To direct toward a center or central point; concentrate or focus

My attention goes directly to the center of this flower -- the beauty of the orange and the intricacies and textures of the center. 

I have certainly used this word before in my blog -- Center -- I am on the front end of a 9 day vacation, and want to make some good choices about how I spend this glorious time away from work.  I don't want to waste a minute of such freedom. I want to return to my center, my balance. I do have some work to do, and I want to schedule and commit to my health/exercise life while I have such a beautifully open calendar.  It should certainly be easier to make space for this while on vacation, right?  With hopes to soak up this week in all good ways, I will hold this image, this flower in my mind's eye, and let its bright, clear center be my guide. I'll let the definition "A point of origin, as of influence, ideas, or actions." be my guide and my reminder that I can act and choose in ways that will create the perfect vacation week.  Onward.  

Floating Above

Floating (floating above)   1. a. To remain suspended within or on the surface of a fluid without sinking.  b. To be suspended in or move through space as if supported by a liquid.  2. To move from place to place, especially at random.  3. To move easily or lightly.

Again, through the simple tools of Iphoto, I was able to make this flower look like it is floating or suspended in mid-air, against the black backdrop.  Easy.  All the other extraneous business fades into the back background, and the all important beauty of the flower remains front and center. 

I wish there was a simple tool I could employ in my life, to float above..... to float above the extraneous, above the bull shit (that others, and I create), the ridiculous concerns conjured up in my mind.  I want to  keep the important things in life - the beauty - at the forefront, suspended against the dark background of the rest. 

Somehow, it is not as easy as it is in Iphoto.  But, of course, there are tools at my disposal, if I could only remember to use them.  Loving kindness, mantras, my breath, music, poetry, writing in a journal, making a mandala -- focussing on the magic of color, paying attention to the metaphors called up in this life's journey.  This week, there is much to rise above. Every day, there many things of beauty that I could appreciate, attend to, create.  Onward.

Clarity

I think it's time to return to the mandala-a-day project.  It's been a while since I've sat long enough in my creativity to really settle my insides.  I've been marching along with a focus on my work-mind/life, while trying to hold my emotions at a relative distance (except for those times when I simply can't, and the flood gates open full force).  

I like this photo, altered with simple tools in I-photo.  I see the intensity of yellow against the stark pitch of black, and the other colors determined to find a tiny space to shine though.  It is just like my emotions in these last few months -- no matter how hard I try to press them into the background, they always find their way forth, sometimes in small ways, and often with an intensity that forces me to stop, to accept.  When I allow this process to simply be and when I stop fighting myself, some sort of beauty and clarity emerge.  Onward.

Mandala 99: Float

Float: 1. a.To remain suspended within or on the surface of a fluid without sinking. b.To be suspended in or move through space as if supported by a liquid. 2. o move from place to place, especially at random; 3. To move easily or lightly.

With a few days away from work, I will try to float and enjoy fewer responsibilities, get myself to yoga and remind my body and my mind how to move more easily and lightly through my days. 

Mandala 98: Skilled

Skilled: Possessing or demonstrating accomplishment, skill, or special training.


It never ceases to amaze me how much and how often I am called upon to handle a situation with some special skill, usually some interpersonal skill.  Easier, to blow a gasket, tell someone off, storm off, shake my head in dis-belief or disgust.  Harder to show up steady, strong, solid and clear, setting out the needed limits and reasonable parameters with a grace and kindness.  Life is hard.  Skills help.  Onward. 

Mandala 97: Hope

Hope:  1. To wish for something or look forward with expectation of its fulfillment. 2. To have confidence; trust.  3. To expect, to desire


I have heard it said that "hope is not a strategy" -- but still, I have it.   It seems essential in order to keep moving forward.  

Mandala 96: Sober

Sober:  1. Habitually abstemious in the use of alcoholic liquors or drugs; temperate; 2. Not intoxicated or affected by the use of drugs; 3. Plain or subdued; 4. Devoid of frivolity, excess, exaggeration, or speculative imagination; straightforward:  5. Marked by seriousness, gravity, or solemnity of conduct or character; 6. Marked by circumspection and self-restraint.


Today is my 6th anniversary of quitting drinking.  Sober.  A healthy choice, for sure.  Not always easy, but right for me.  

Mandala 95: Middle

Middle:  1. Equally distant from extremes or limits; 2. Being at neither one extreme nor the other; 3. The middle part of the human body; the waist.

I am up north at our lake home on Middle Cullen Lake.  It has been a great weekend, and will be hard to go home.  I have enjoyed a slower pace for these last 2 days, both inside/in my mind, and outside, with nothing to do but to play.  I have found the middle in my emotions and it has been a relief.

It seems for this last month, I have lived on the edges, the extremes, emotionally, and have had a hard time standing in the middle of anything.  I have walked in these last 2 months with back pain, an indication of living, in my mind and my emotions, in the extremes.  No middle.

I spent the day yesterday with my friend Shawyn, learning and experimenting with photography. Shawyn is an amazing photographer, and encouraged me to play in this medium. Just a point and shoot Cannon Power Shot.  Just a chance to walk around the property, near the lake, noticing things.  Capturing images and items and structures that caught my eye.  Noticing various ways to frame the shot.  Last evening, I played around with my photos using I-photo and photoshop, enhancing color, cropping and and refining and reframing what I captured in my camera.  I enjoyed being lost in the meditative nature of walking and noticing and taking pictures.  I felt a sense of relief in the process of creativity, both in the taking and in the adjusting the photographs.  This, of course, is no surprise.  It is my mantra to students and to my team at The LAB, that creativity is the healing force that we can each access on our journeys.  So my weekend on Middle Cullen Lake brought me back to the middle, and I am grateful.  Now, the challenge is to remain steady, in the middle as I return to the real life off and away from the lake.  Onward.